It is popular wisdom that opposites attract. This can certainly be the case in relationships. Even if you and your partner aren’t exactly at separate poles, you are still likely to have differing interests. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing and it can make for a richer relationship. However, there may be some instances in which the friction caused by these differences can be problematic.
This might be the case about your commitment to prepping. Your partner may not understand, agree with, or even respect your efforts to improve your chances of recovering from disaster. Indeed, it is not unusual for those who don’t engage in prepping to indulge in outright ridicule. This would be a difficult enough situation if it were just a minor hobby your partner disapproved of. However, prepping is more of a lifestyle to which you dedicate the time, energy, and resources you consider appropriate for the potential disasters.
Unless you can effectively address your partner’s disapproval of your prepping, this is likely to become a more difficult part of your relationship. It can also negatively impact the efficacy of your actions and even your enthusiasm for the practice. So, we’re going to run through some of the elements you should consider in your response.
Prioritize Honesty
When a partner disapproves of certain activities, it can be many people’s immediate reaction to just carry on in secret. This is not a practical or wise option for either of you. Deception, even when you consider it to be small, has the potential to seriously damage your relationship. It’s also important to note there is no reason you should be secretive about your prepping. You have logical reasons and imperatives. It’s not something you should be in any way ashamed of. It is better for everyone involved if you prioritize a culture of honesty.
Start with providing clarity on why you consider prepping to be important. This doesn’t have to be an effort to convince your partner of the wisdom of your actions — you’re not pitching for them to join a club! Treat it more like a calm and rational outline of your position. Talk specifically about what elements of prepping you consider to be in both your and your partner’s best interests. It can also be a good idea to frame your efforts as caring for the well-being of all those you’re close to.
You should also aim to be open about how these actions impact your mental wellbeing. For many people, prepping can help them to feel more active and in control in a world that can be risky. Your actions may even serve to make you less anxious if you live in an area with a significant risk of natural disasters. It’s also important to communicate to your partner how their disapproval makes you feel. This isn’t always easy, but you must express how seriously the practice impacts you. Above all else, make it clear you are committed to continuing your prepping. Emphasize how you don’t necessarily expect their approval, you would like their support.
Keep It Relatable
Often, when a partner is dubious about preparedness, this is based on ideas about its extremity. We’re all familiar with how the practice has a negative reputation for overly paranoid actions. While your partner likely already sees your activities don’t match this poor stereotype, their opinions may still be affected by it. As such, it can be an important part of your survival prep practice to include some small, relatable actions your partner can grasp and support. This also distances your efforts further from the cartoonish images of extremity.
Starting with some prepping protocols for everyday emergencies can be wise. You might know larger disasters are not just possible but predicted by experts. But these can still feel like fantastical and unlikely scenarios to your partner. They will, however, be familiar with how smaller-scale issues can be disruptive. The potential for vehicle problems is a good example, here. By keeping up a good schedule of vehicle maintenance, you not only minimize the risk of a breakdown, but also the stress, inconvenience, and expense that goes along with it. Frequent checks and oil changes also improve the efficiency and safety of the vehicle. Discuss with your partner how this is a demonstration of why good preparation can avert the worst impacts of disaster.
On a slightly larger scale, you can also reference your preparations to the prevalent concerns our society is facing. The COVID-19 pandemic can be a good touch-point as we’ve all seen the disruption this form of public health emergency can have over our daily lives. Discuss how adequate financial preparations could help if you lost employment as many did during this time. Run through how having essentials both helps you weather supply chain issues and the unnecessary need to access crowded grocery stores. Referencing climate change can also be a good option. There are clear expectations for this to result in more natural disasters. This issue is relatable due to its newsworthiness — a lot of people are familiar with the terminology and risks. You can use this as a tool to communicate the wisdom of preparation.
Maintain a Budget
There could be various reasons your partner may disapprove of your prepping. One of these may be less to do with their skepticism and more about the funds you’re committing to projects. Let’s face it, while some activities are relatively low cost, larger elements represent a significant investment. As such, it’s important to recognize this could be a factor. You can then be more conscious of and communicative about finances.
The most basic action you should take is to create a prepping budget alongside your general household budget. Whether you share financial resources with your partner or have entirely separate accounts, this can be a positive step. It demonstrates a certain amount of consideration for your partner’s position. It also shows you are responsibly handling your obligations in the present as well as for the future. Show you’re investing in your partner’s safety, not just yours; focus on building their everyday carry (EDC) occasionally. It may be smart to make a savings fund for the larger projects you can develop over a period of time. This might be more manageable than spending money earmarked for joint projects, vacations, and even resources for any children you have.
Part of your efforts may include finding other ways to build up finances for your prepping projects that don’t impact the household budget. This could include taking on freelance work projects in your spare time specifically to gain funds for prepping. You may cut down on expenditure in other areas of your personal life — fewer nights out with friends or buying frivolities. This not only shows you’re responsible with your finances but also reinforces your commitment to the importance of prepping. You’re putting your money where your mouth is.
Provide Evidence and Context
It is not uncommon for a partner to disagree with prepping because they don’t feel it’s necessary. They may also have some inkling of the need for disaster planning in the back of their mind. However, this might be trumped by a certain amount of denial of the likelihood of a disaster. Let’s face it, nobody likes to think there’s a good chance that events outside their control could disrupt their lives. Indeed, in the western world, we have become used to a certain amount of comfort, which makes it easy to dismiss anything we consider to be doomsaying. It may be necessary to provide your partner with some supporting evidence for the wisdom of prepping.
This could take various forms. You might choose the local approach. Give some information about why your area of the world may be likely to experience extreme weather, earthquakes, or wildfires in the future. You may decide to address the potential for technological issues and how these put your home, finances, and perhaps infrastructure in vulnerable positions. Whatever form of evidence you choose, make certain you utilize credible sources. This doesn’t just mean online communities or expert preppers you trust. Gain scientific papers and reports from recognized expert organizations like the World Health Organization and the Environmental Protection Agency. NASA also provides useful resources related to natural disasters.
Though you should build a body of credible evidence, don’t bombard your partner with this. Simply piling them with research papers and websites is not likely to sway them. Indeed, it can even serve to make them feel overwhelmed. Rather, take time to contextualize individual pieces of evidence. When your partner expresses disapproval about a certain element of your prepping, acknowledge their concerns and provide your perspectives. You can then support these perspectives with relevant evidence. Be gentle with this process — it isn’t a matter of proving yourself right. Treat it as an opportunity to help your partner understand your concerns and actions are well-founded.
Discuss Independence
One of the benefits of prepping is an enhanced sense of independence. This is an element almost all of us strive for in our daily lives. Few people like to feel as though they’re reliant on others to have the lifestyle or resources they need to get through the day. Your partner in all likelihood feels the same in their personal and professional life. This can be a good element to lean into when making your case for continued prepping activities.
Begin with how your preparations aren’t just intended to be a tool for getting through the worst-case scenarios. Frame it from the perspective of your measures meaning you will be less reliant on external assistance should a disaster occur. Particularly if you live in a rural area, it may be a long time before aid agencies or even basic infrastructure repair crews can get to you. When the event is large, you may be low on their list of emergency response priorities. Your efforts mean you can live in relative comfort for a decent period. You can also approach this from an empathetic standpoint in that your preparations now reduce pressure on public emergency resources people less fortunate than yourselves may need.
Even before a disaster occurs, achieving self-reliance is increasingly a preference in our current era. We’re already starting to see the impact of the energy crunch in which fewer resources will result in increasingly high electricity and fuel costs. There have also been occasional supply chain issues that are seeing some items temporarily unavailable in grocery stores. If this is the shape of things to come, your prepping efforts — particularly if these include alternative energy — can help you and your partner move closer to an independent way of living. Discuss how this may mean you can be less detrimentally impacted by these issues.
Maintain Respect
Respect is important on both sides of the equation. Don’t just be defensive about your prepping activities. Make sure you’re taking the time to try and see the issues from your partner’s perspective. Acknowledge their thoughts, fears, and emotions. Being empathetic is one of the most important tools in your relationship. You need to utilize this to explore their feelings while also expressing how prepping is important to you. At the same time, you should certainly expect your partner to offer the same high degree of respect to your viewpoint.
Unfortunately, this won’t always be the case. If your partner continues to belittle your efforts, ridicule your perspective, or ignore your needs, this may point to deeper problems in your relationship. It’s important to consider whether their disapproval of your prepping is coupled with other prevalent issues. It can be difficult to accept a separation or divorce may be necessary, and it’s certainly not something to take lightly. But not paying attention to elements such as a breakdown of empathy and a failure to respect makes it difficult for you to prepare adequately if a divorce becomes necessary. Be as thorough in this as you would any other area of preparation. Be honest with yourself about whether there are additional signs of a relationship breakdown like a lack of intimacy or attraction.
If you find it is time to go your separate ways, make it clear this is not about your prepping. Rather, their dismissal was symptomatic of more serious mutual issues in your relationship. They may recognize this and agree to work through them with you. Whatever the outcome is, use the same level of respect and care you would expect in return.
Conclusion
Prepping can be a challenging — but worthwhile — pursuit at the best of times. If your partner disapproves of your actions, this can make your experience less productive and occasionally unpleasant. Much of your approach here should be around good communication. Talk honestly and openly about your actions, find ways to make the topic more relatable to them, and utilize empathetic skills. With some discussion, you may be able to work through these issues. Even if this is an end to your relationship, you must represent your prepping and your connection to it solidly and respectfully.
[Note: This was a guest post.]
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